|Beautiful but HIDEOUSLY DEFORMED!|
Hi! Did you know that I am deformed? No, I am NOT joking... I actually have a "developmental deformation" in both hips. I just assumed that the excruciating pain and the cute little limp was thanks to being overweight for most of my life AND wearing women's shoes for the past twenty years, but no -- it's officlal! -- I am DEFORMED!
I actually need a double hip replacement. This, of course, is the most UNCOOL of any and all surgeries one can have and/or need. My right hip is, according to doctors, "bone on bone" (ironically, this is also the name of Chi Chi LaRue's next dickumentary!) and the left is getting very close to being the same. Yes, it hurts. But, as they say, the show must go on!
Being a vaudevillian clown I have no insurance, and being a homeowner in Southern California, I have no money. So, I researched online and found what I thought was a great place to have the surgery for what I thought was quite the reasonable cash price ($20k per hip!). I even accepted a booking for this Summer in Provincetown so that I could pay back my oh-so-generous ex who had offered to loan me the money for the surgery.
Well, after forwarding all the info on the company and doctor involved to a very well-connected and successful actress friend of mine (no, it's NOT Roseanne!) who recently had the same surgery, I have learned that this is way too expensive and that I could perhaps get it for much less if I agree to allow students to watch while I go under the knife. So the whole thing is on hold yet again while I do even more research and try to find the best possible solution to this problem.
I had hoped to have surgery mid April so I stopped booking gigs starting then -- AND FOR A FULL TWO MONTHS AFTER THAT SO I COULD SAFELY HEAL AND RECUPERATE. Well, now that the surgery is off I have no work until I haul my deformed ass to Provincetown this Summer.
So, if you are a club owner and/or promoter, please book me! I ain't too proud to beg! I am also a writer for everything from magazines and websites to TV! And if you are not in the position to hire me, then by all means feel free to treat yourself to an mp3 download or two (or TEN!) from my website. You get a laugh and I get a dollar -- it's a win/win situation! Just go to: www.MissJackieBeat.com/merch
Please help a bitch out.