PISS & VINEGAR

I'm in a lousy mood.


I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning and now my panties are in a twist.

I am feeling...
A) Crabby
B) Easily-Annoyed
C) Chock Full of Hatred
D) Homicidal
E) ALL OF THE ABOVE


This is not, mind you, based on anything even remotely logical. I would venture to guess it is chemical. After all, I am a naturally happy person who is grateful for all my many blessings.  Blessings that include being relatively healthy for a homosexual my age, having a successful career that involves making people laugh, owning a beautiful home, recently losing 111 pounds of unwanted fat, many wonderful friends and most importantly, my precious dogs.


So why am I in total cunt mode today? I usually wake to greet the day -- and Mondays in particular -- with positivity, gusto and an unbridled joie de vivre. But not today. Today I am tempted to get a delightful face tattoo that says, "Fuck off!" But I shan't. Because I know that, like the popularity of Justin Bieber, this makes absolutely no sense and shall eventually pass. I really should be singing the uplifting and timeless "Hold On For One More Day" by Wilson Phillips, but instead I am humming that feel-good ditty about shooting school kids, "I Don't Like Mondays" by The Boomtown Rats.


F.T.W.


Gee, I sure hope I feel better by tomorrow night. After all, I have a show to do with my gal pals Muffy Bolding, Selene Luna and Nadya Ginsburg. Here's all the info if you want to come: COME TO THE SHOW OR DON'T, I AIN'T GONNA' BEG!


Thank goodness the theme of the show this month is "BITCH!" If I'm still feeling like a bitter, life-hating cooze tomorrow night it will only add a gritty authenticity to my performance. Sounds good anyway. Fuck you.