Introducing the "EnsemBLAH!"

Short wigs, off-the-rack strip-mall fashions, sensible shoes and prescription glasses...

Preparing for the now infamous and wildly popular
"High Fructose Corn Syrup" parody.

"Hag Drag" is nothing new. A queen dressing like a total mess who, if she waltzed in and asked, "Be honest, what does this outfit say to you?" the only reasonable answer would be: "YOU DON'T HAVE A MIRROR IN YOUR BEDROOM!?"

As lead singer of the rock band VAN PALIN.
We, of course, rewrote Van Halen songs
to make them more wholesome and Republican.
"Rock out with your cross out!"

But -- and as you know, mine is a HUGE butt -- can you ride that fine line between hideous creature and haute couture? Can you serve up "Glamour Grandma," "Librarian Looker" or that oh-so-elusive "Cunty Clown?" It's difficult, but not impossible. Here are a few of my favorite looks that could possibly be misconstrued (look it up!) as "boring" but will no-doubt have people "boring" holes in you as they stare, slack-jawed in a trance!

Never underestimate the subtle power
of an apron and a home perm. Backstage
with the uber-talented Drew Droege

Please do not confuse this with "Hag Drag," or old-fashioned San Fransissy "Gender Fuck" (throwing glitter into one's beard does not constitute "drag"!) or what my dear friend, the incomparable Jimmy James (performing at Casita del Campo on April 8 & 9) lovingly refers to as "Booger Drag." Oh no, darling!  These are "EnsemBLAHS" my dear... Cougars and matrons and MILFS, oh my!


MEN DO MAKE PASSES AT WOMEN WHO WEAR GLASSES...

Zaftig Jewess finding her light!
Who cares if it's the interior dome
light of a 2002 Pontiac Grand Am!?

Girl's Night Out! Because teaching "Black
Studies" at the community college
can be stressful and she deserves to blow
off some steam at Happy Hour, goddamnit!

It's a great time to be silver... and gold!

Anyone can rock The '80s...
but can you rock a gal in her eighties!?

Smart is sexy...  So go fuck a scientist!

EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN!

Giving Bea Arthur realness as Trixie in
"Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver"

Celebrating my birthday recently at Hamburger Mary's.
Laugh all you want, but I did get a senior discount!

You may think I look ancient, but check it out...
I got several "pearl necklaces" that night!

I call this look, "One foot in the grave
and the other on a banana peel!"

PARDON ME, BUT WHAT KIND OF CLOWNDATION DO YOU WEAR?

Serving up Southwestern New-Age White Trash...
You just know she has a dream-catcher air freshener hanging
from the rearview mirror of her teal PT Cruiser!

Tears of a clown: Is the circus is in town?
Nope, it's just me, Bozo Beat!

Honk honk! This is a look most people might
try maybe once in a lifetime, but not me...
Laughter is the best medicine and
I can practically cure cancer, biotch!