Saturday, October 8, 2011


Use the first letter of your first name and make a list of ten things that start with that letter — all to do with YOU!

This entry brought to you by…the letter "J"

And the idea for this entry was shamelessly pilfered from the one and only Muffy Bolding (a constant source of inspiration and life-affirming aggravation)

1. JACQUELINE SUSANN: A former lingerie model and rumored bisexual, Susann practically invented the in-store autograph session: "If the book is signed, they can't return it!" This Pucci-wearing phenom wrote "Once is Not Enough," "The Love Machine," "Dolores," the God-awful sci-fi fiasco "Yargo" and the best-selling work of fiction of all time (if you don't count The Bible!), "Valley of the Dolls!" ("The DaVinci Code" may now be number one, but I choose to ignore this annoying fact, okay?) Taken from us way too early (cancer, of course), Jackie also wrote an entire book about her prissy little poodle, "Every Night, Josephine!" Yep, my kinda' lady.

2. JALAPENO JELLY: This magical marriage of spicy and sweet is best when plopped on top of a brick of cream cheese and served with crackers. Heaven!

3. JOAN CRAWFORD: I love, love, love The Crawford. I could watch her in anything -- from the sublime "Rain" to the stinking rotten Tennessee Williams wannabe "Queen Bee." I often ask myself, "What would Joan Crawford do?' The answer is usually something fabulous and decadent like A) Put on a vintage kimono B) Read a book while soaking in a hot bath C) Whip up a batch of bacon-wrapped scallops D) Clean the kitchen with a toothbrush or, more than likely, E) ALL OF THE ABOVE. Viva La Crawford! (And, although I am not saying the woman was a saint, I do NOT believe Christina Crawford's snotty side of the story)

4. JOHN SINGER SARGENT: One of my favorite artists of all time. The man responsible for two of the sexiest paintings in the history of art: "Dr. Pozzi at Home" and "Madame X."

5. JERKY, BEEF: I adore salty, chewy beef jerky.

6. JUST LIKE HEAVEN, by The Cure:  Show me, show me, show me how you do that trick, the one that makes me scream." she said.  "The one that makes me laugh," she said and threw her arms around my neck...

7. JESSICA LANGE in "American Horror Story": My friend James and I are convinced she is channeling Geraldine Paige in "Whatever Happened to Aunt Alice?" And don't even get me started on "Grey Gardens!" She was always amazing, but she was so beautiful that it took away from her talent. Now that she's older, she can really sink her teeth into these quirky roles.

8. JAPAN: I want to go so bad! This is a hold-over from back in the '80s when it was all about Japan. And all of a sudden, I am finding Japanese men to be very sexy. I love it when they look like extras from a "Godzilla" movie -- '60s slim-fit suit, horn-rimmed glasses -- but you know they're total pervs in bed. Exotic geek chic! And I really love Japanese pubic hair.

9. JIM HENSON: The late creator of The Muppets was a genius. When I think of all the joy he has brought into my life I have to say a silent and heartfelt, "Thank you."

10. JAR: I have only eaten at this Los Angeles restaurant once, but it was one of the best meals I have ever had. I really must go back!

11. JAKE GYLLENHAAL: Oh boy, now this is some GOOD eatin'!


  1. You saved the best one for last!!

  2. If Ms. Lang don't get a buttload of Emmy's for that show, there's gonna be HELL to pay!