Drag superstar JACKIE BEAT discusses pop culture, style and how to add some much-needed "oomph!" to any life.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
FIVE WEIRD HABITS
Okay, as usual, I stole this idea from my slusband (that stands for Straight Lady hUSBAND), Muffy Bolding...
1. After almost every phone call, after I have pleasantly said "goodbye" and disconnected from the call, I say either, "Fuck off," "Eat shit" or "Cunt" -- out loud. This doesn't mean that I don't love the person I was just conversing with, quite the opposite actually. The truth is, it just makes me feel good. It’s a release. It's my little secret. Well, it was a secret until I put it in print for the whopping 17 people who actually read this blog to see!
2. I cannot and will not leave anything in the wastebasket in my bathroom. A single tissue or Q-tip must be removed immediately. And when I go to someone else's house, it bothers me to no end to see wadded-up Kleenex, yellowy used cotton swabs -- or worse -- staring up at me in their lavatory. Disgusting! Almost as disgusting as using the word “lavatory” -- I mean, who do I think I am? Some uppity flight attendant?
3. I clean the toilet after each use. No, I do not pull out toxic cleaning products, rubber gloves and a scrub brush -- but I do make sure there is nothing left on, in or around the commode. It only takes a few seconds, people. Keep in mind, this kind of OCD was passed onto me from my mother (who was raised in an Italian convent!) who also taught my brother and myself to aim for the side of the toilet bowl so as not to make a disturbing noise by peeing right into the water. I mean, God forbid anyone knows I have a penis, right? And now, ironically, no one does.
4. I take a hot bath every day, sometimes twice. This ritual, and spending quality time with my dogs, is the only thing that keeps me sane. I either read The National Enquirer or play Words With Friends on my iPhone. And baths do not take the place of a shower. Baths are for relaxing, showers are for washing.
5. I like my foods and beverages piping hot. The moment my coffee is made, the cup goes right into the microwave until it's scalding. I hate soup that doesn't resemble lava and at restaurants I often send it back to be nuked. Coffee and soup are supposed to be served hot, thank you very much.
BONUS WEIRD HABIT: When I am getting ready for a show, the first step in my beauty regiment is to shave. This, depending on how long it’s been since the last time I’ve done drag, can be quite a process. It involves getting into a very hot shower and shaving my face (down, then up, then diagonally to the left, then diagonally to the right) until it’s completely smooth. Then I shave my knuckles (yep!), forearms, shoulders (I know, I know) and chest. When I am all done, I turn the hot water to ice cold and, while my pores are closing and I am being blasted awake, I sum up the evening -- out loud: “Saturday night! Sold out show! Casita del Campo! 8 PM!” I usually also state how much money I will be making and any other important details. It’s really crazy, huh?
JUST ONE MORE BECAUSE I’M AN OVERACHIEVER: I think the strangest thing I do is occasionally I will track down one of my faithful readers and then kill them and eat them. What?