Oh my God, it’s Valentine’s Day! This is the day, of course, when we celebrate those wonderful warm feelings that we feel for others. I love Valentine’s Day! The only day I love more is the day after Valentine’s Day -- when all that unsold candy at the drug store is half off!
To celebrate this national Dia de la Amor, I thought I would try to go a little deeper than usual and really express what I truly love. It seems to me that in this country, at this time, and especially within the gay community -- it is so difficult to love someone or something. Sure, we skate along the surface: mistaking sex for love, buying expensive designer sunglasses that we think we love, screaming out loud like a little girl that we love a Lady Gaga song the moment we hear it in a club even though it’s actually really bad and we are simply drunk or high and prone to loving just about anything and everything. Yes, it’s easy to throw that four-letter word around when we’re within our comfort zone, but rarely do we truly make ourselves vulnerable and say, “I Love You!”
Well, I am going to do just that! And I cannot think of any better way than to literally “spell it out” for all you love-challenged folks out there. Don’t be afraid, love is beautiful! Hold onto your hearts, here we go...
L is for Large -- as in Large penises. I LOVE large penises! Now don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with average or even small penises, I simply prefer large ones and that is my right as an American. Remember, our brave men and women are overseas right now fighting for our rights, and that includes my right to love large penises. And I do!
O is for Oral Sex. I just love Oral Sex, don’t you? I especially love Oral Sex when it involves a large penis. Now don’t get me wrong, I have no problem performing Oral Sex on average or even small penises, I simply prefer to chow down on a large one. Remember, Jesus Christ died on the cross so we could all do what we want. And I want to perform Oral Sex on large penises. And I do!
V is for Very Large Penises. Love ‘em! But please do not get the wrong idea about me. I am open to meeting and yes, possibly even falling in love with, just about anyone. See, I fall in love the PERSON, not just a very narrow list of rather specific physical attributes. It just so happens that if you are a hot young horse hung Mexican gentleman who works the drive-up window at El Pollo Loco in black polyester pants that are two sizes too small, I am all but guaranteed to fall in love with you. That’s my choice as an American for whom Jesus died.
E is for Extremely Enormous Penises. At first, I was a bit wary to go here, but this article is about love and I will not apologize for what I love. I can’t and I won’t. After all, our gay brethren fought at Stonewall so we as gay people could be free. And I am free to love Extremely Enormous penises. We’re talking about those guys who look like maybe they hit someone over the head while God was passing out cock and then got in line twice or maybe even three times. I think the technical term for what I’m referring to is “Monster Cock.” Hey, the heart wants what the heart wants, right?
So there you have it, what I love! I said it loudly and proudly, without shame or guilt, and it feels good. No, it feels GREAT! So if you share my love for any of the above, may I suggest that to celebrate Valentine’s Day you perhaps rent a Chad Hunt DVD, visit hugedudesblogspot.com or go have some fun at my pal Mario Diaz’s pit of filth, Big Fat Dick every Thursday night at Fubar. After all, it’s your right!